you wake up every morning, wash your face, brush teeth..hair..get the dogs and cat feed. get dressed. try to get down 2 cups of coffee and a bit of breakfast. and if your like me check e-mails.  now a few years ago e-mail was unheard of. no need for this ritual. you checked your voice mail.  then before voice mail, you didnt do shit except leave and go to work.

now i have 4 e-mail accounts, 2 voice mail machines, 2-blogs and 4 regular phones to contend with.  im lucky to get out the door at all in the morning.  then if i do make it out in the world, im worried im going to miss an important e-mail.  anyone remember pay phones?  use to carry a pocket full of quarters, and there were phones on every corner. go find one today. last one i found was a direct line to mexico. now i love mexico (use to live there) but i dont need to call anyone there today.

i cannot bring this aging body to deal with all the modern technology im faced with.  i want a regular pay phone. a mobile phone that doesnt play games or connect me with a computer in ireland. i dont need for my truck to tell me when it thirsty. i had a phone call the other night on my tv. that was hard to talk over the “i love lucy” episode.

im bombarded by information.  i never really did need to know what the average yearly rainfall is in upper leone but it was news the other day.  i can locate anything or one at the drop of a hat.  i can read books in icelanic. (not that i could mind you).

with all this input i have come to one conclusion. i am dumber than i thought. (my computer told me so).  all of my book learning was for naught.  i dont need to learn, just punch a button and the answer is right in front of me. 

i have limited personal contact anymore. i e-mail they e-mail. i fax they fax. my mobile is having an affair with their mobile.  my family sees me through flicker or photosmart. computer screen digital images of my life flashes in front of them in slideshow formats.  i have cd’s from childbirth to graduation, somewhere i have reels of me in 16mm film, where i dont know, they all have been transfered to dvd (available in blu-ray).

i was almost scared to walk out the door the other day, i didnt have my mobile, my digital camera, my laptop. oh wait i can get all that on my phone now.  analog mentality.

i dont know the meaning of all this. my mother would have had so much fun researching her geneology the last 5 year of her life because she was bedridden.  i can get anthing in the world delivered to my house in one day now. i read more, i know more people (the computerized version), i write more, my electric bill is outragous. so what going on. why do i feel so alone.

is anyone listening, is anyone out there?  boy what a dumb question.